Itchy & Scratchy Go Bonzo

Suddenly there’s no shortage of baseball news and controversy.

Your correspondent has a preseason ritual of noting how many players named Martinez and Hernandez are in camps at the start of every season. They are 16 and 20 respectively.

Tommy Lasorda, former player and former long-time manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers, threw out the ceremonial first pitch of the World Baseball Classic in Japan. After wheeling his pitching arm like a windmill as he approached the mound, Lasorda threw it into the ground about 10 feet in front of him, bouncing it toward the foul line between home and third base. There was no small irony in this, as Lasorda famously ruined several good arms while managing the Dodgers (Hirscheiser, Valenzuela, and Nomo).

The World Baseball Classic is a good idea, but wrongly placed. Spring training is the wrong setting for showcasing such an event. Baseball players hone their skills over a season and play at their highest skill at the end of the season in October. Base thinks that moving the Classic to December or January would be a better idea. It would require moving the games closer to, or south of the equator. This would encourage training during the off-season, and give baseball purists motivation to travel outside their comfort region. They could attach themselves to baseball and perhaps appreciate a cultural change of scenery. This would also provide a meaningful distraction from a meaningless sport extravaganza that looms every late January.

Baseball players generally do their best work within a 10-year bracket. Without chemical fuel, most players are done when the early grey hair or receding hairlines start showing up in their mid 30’s. Pitchers do last longer, because they only do hard work once or twice a week.

Barry Bonds is in camp trying to repair his image and to play one more season on a knee without cartilage. Look for a season where he has no triples, few doubles, and about 25 home runs in limited appearances, if he plays a season at all. Since Base didn’t intend on publishing this week (3/8), the breaking news about Barry will have some time to develop over the week. What everyone had suspected about his chemical inflation appears to be true. Even Jose Canseco seems somewhat vindicated. You’ll recall his book Juiced set off a Congressional investigation about steroid use among baseball players. The two biggest casualties so far are Rafael Palmiero and Sammy Sosa, neither of whom was able to find a team this season.

By account, Bonds was using about 5 different steroidal compounds since 1998, including one developed for muscle development in cattle, according to excerpts from the book Game of Shadows, written by 2 San Francisco Chronicle sportswriters . Around the Giants clubhouse he was referred to as “The Incredible Hulk”, so dramatic was the change to his physique. Bonds flatly denies he has done anything illegal, chemically speaking. Baseball was not testing for steroid use during this period. Aside from the public opinion perception of this technicality, his real immediate trouble might be with the IRS. His mistress claims he gave her $81,000 in cash (from signing baseballs) to buy a condo in Phoenix. Giants’ fans (and teammates) seem unbothered by any of this. The Giants official website makes no reference to the allegations.

Is Base the only one noticing the resemblance between Bud Selig and Bill Gates?

Baseball Commissioner Selig met with Bonds last week and indicated through a spokesperson that he will meet with the slugger again within the next few days to discuss the allegations. Selig seems to get a rash anytime he’s dealt confrontation. He is both Itchy and Scratchy in this case. He’s indicated his preference for a root canal procedure over his next meeting with Bonds. The Commissioner has appointed a committee to whom he presumably will assign chapter-reading assignments when the book is released on Friday.

So readers, what should be done? Bonds has never tested positive for steroids, and in fact they were probably not illegal in baseball during his heaviest juicing period. Expecting him to do the right thing for the sake of the integrity of the game is unlikely to produce the desired ethical solution. He has shown that public opinion is not something that has any influence on his decision making process in the past. Should he pass Ruth and Aaron on the all-time home run list, is it valid? Should there be one of these * after his statistic? Is this as serious as Pete Rose betting on baseball?

Base hopes that the WBC becomes more meaningful. Baseball has latently become a 3rd tier sport, behind football and basketball. Baseball season lasts longer than any other organized sport at 6 ½ months. Well, maybe basketball does have a longer season, when you include the play-offs, which base considers a 2nd season within the season. The WBC is a fan favorite. It’s something to cheer about at off.base@gmail.com .